The Overlord Saga
Vol I. Past, Present, Future
Chapter 22: Monsters
The Overlord looked at the group of people selected with her to embark on their first section of their mission. She eyed the ecstatic Master of Tasers, Jamie, and Scribe, who were each bouncing up and down in their own bliss at leaving the thick clump of trees that the Insurgents lived in. She shook her head, sighed, and looked at the Insurgent Leader, who was whispering with Sexist frantically. The Overlord frowned, not sure that this was a good thing as she still had Sexist’s soul in the Soul Jar, and approached the two.
Immediately, the Insurgent Leader and Sexist stopped talking, looking directly at the Overlord. Dismayed, the Overlord tilted her head to the side and asked, “What are you two up to?”
“Nothing,” both boys said simultaneously, and that only aroused more suspicion. Were they planning a betrayal? Perhaps the Insurgent Leader had vowed to release Sexist from his eternity as the Overlord’s slave? ‘Come and try’, she thought, glaring at the Insurgent Leader.
“Liars.”
“What?” the Insurgent Leader’s lip twitched in a grin- far too friendly for the Overlord’s tastes. She scowled, her green eyes flicking to where Sexist was feigning innocence. She trusted the two as much as she trusted the Uberlord- which, if you couldn’t tell, wasn’t very much. If she trusted the Uberlord, then she merely trusted the fact that he was doing something for his own personal gain. No doubt the Insurgent Leader was doing the same.
“We’re ready to gooooo!” Jamie called.
“Tell me again what we’re doing?” the Twin frowned, hands on her hips.
“We’re going to Walmart!” the Master of Tasers exclaimed, “Because Walmart has the lowest prices. Actually, that’s a lie...”
“We’re going to Walmart to get Monsters,” the Overlord explained, “Because Monsters will be able to give the troops the necessary stamina and energy boost needed in order to counter the Uberlord’s forces.”
“So... We’re getting everyone hyper? Is that your plan?” the Twin frowned, then nodded, “Sounds good enough. I don’t think one Walmart is going to hold enough for everybody, though.”
“My calculations state that maximum, but non-lethal effects will be displayed after three cans. Any more than that and the individual is risking cardiac arrest,” the Scribe elaborated, laptop in its bag around his torso.
“This will not end well,” the Insurgent Leader muttered.
“I think this will be fun, actually,” the Theurgist grinned maliciously.
“Whatever the case may be, we’re gonna have to hit a few Walmarts and get some Monsters,” the Overlord shrugged, “Remember, guys, no more than three cans. That goes for you, too, Theurgist, I see you smirking back there.” She pointed an accusing finger at the cackling Theurgist, then held up a hand to warp the group of delegates.
“Walmart, Walmart!” the Master of Tasers exclaimed happily. “WE’RE GOING TO WALMART!”
“I don’t even like the way Monsters smell,” Sexist complained to the Insurgent Leader, “I bet they don’t even taste good.”
The Overlord snapped her fingers and the group vanished, reappearing in the midst of a parking lot. Sexist was forced to jump out of the way as a crazy high school student whizzed recklessly by in his beat-up truck. He scowled and looked up at the towering super Walmart, noticing how the words seemed to sparkle in the sun.
“Monsters?” the Ninja-Lord asked the Overlord, quirking an eyebrow.
“Aye,” Jamie nodded and began running toward the store, the Theurgist, the Scribe, and the Master of Tasers trailing behind. The Overlord facepalmed, but followed Jamie despite this, unable to help but grin to herself.
The Overlord’s delegates and the Insurgent Leader set about wrecking havoc throughout the store within seconds of entry. The Walmart greeter looked at the Overlord with a set of confused eyes, watching the underlings and giving the Overlord a spiteful look. The Overlord began making her way back toward the back, curiously looking around the store. She spied Sexist down the aisle with the pool toys, clearing her throat. Seizing one of the foam tubes from the rack, she aimed a decisive blow, hitting Sexist’s arm.
“Those aren’t the Monsters,” she remarked after receiving a scathing glare. The Overlord flashed Sexist a smirk and shrugged, putting the tube up and strolling away. She passed by a section with plastic swords and was not surprised to find the Ninja-Lord and the Twin sparring, the Insurgent Leader looking on. ‘For some reason, I think they were more excited about playing in Walmart than actually getting Monsters’, the Overlord chuckled to herself and walked into the next aisle.
The Scribe and the Master of Tasers were bouncing huge tye-dyed balls up and down, chasing them around as they did. The Overlord then concluded that her army had the maturity of two-year olds. The Insurgent Leader held up a hand, stopping the Overlord. He glanced up at her and said, “The Evocator and the Theurgist have five carts apiece of Monsters... The civilians are giving us weird looks.”
“Let them look,” the Overlord remarked, “We’re saving them by doing this.”
“From the Uberlord?” the Insurgent Leader inquired.
“No, from poisoning themselves on this crap,” the Overlord laughed, “This reminds me of old days, Thomas.” She looked down the main aisle where the Animal Tamer was playing on one of the carts. “All the madness...” She chuckled, flicked a twig of brown hair back, and glanced at the shorter Insurgent Leader, “When this is over...”
“Things go back to the way they were,” the Insurgent Leader shook his head, “The way they’re supposed to be.”
“Ah,” the Overlord sighed, trying to hide the disappointment in her eyes. She shrugged, looking down to the side and shifted her weight on her heels, and stole a glance at where Sexist was attempting to push a cart full of Monsters.
“We should be ready to go,” Sexist shrugged, “Where is everyone?”
“God knows,” the Overlord shrugged as well, glancing at the Insurgent Leader from the corner of her eye. As the Ninja-Lord walked over with a box of purple Monsters, the Overlord was careful to note his expression, one she hadn’t seen before.
‘Dear God, if that’s what I think it is, we’re in a load of trouble...’ the Overlord thought grimly, turning away from the Insurgent Leader and nodding to the Ninja-Lord. She waited as the other Underlings gathered, frowning as a Walmart employee walking over toward the mass of people.
“What’s going on here?” the employee inquired, looking at the towering form of the Theurgist, “Are you planning on taking ALL of those Monsters?”
“Yep,” the Overlord lifted a hand, “You’d do well to step away eh...” She squinted, reading the man’s name tag, then smiling to herself, “Richard. No doubt people call you Dick around here?”
When the employee, flustered, didn’t respond, the Overlord pushed him lightly away from the group. A snap of the fingers and they disappeared- carts full of Monsters included- from the Walmart. Moments later the Overlord was standing in the midst of a crowd, flashing lights and blaring music surrounding the room. Sexist edged away from a skankily clad woman, who was dancing on a pole near him. He gave the Insurgent Leader a questioning look, then glanced at the Overlord.
“What are we doing in a strip club?” Sexist asked, voice rather casual for the situation.
“See... There’s three things in every good story- a giant arachnid, a night club scene, and time travel,” the Overlord explained.
“Oh... What about the giant arachnid?” Sexist asked.
“I banned it from the story. Phobic, y’know?” the Overlord shrugged, and began to warp the group out when a loud voice cut through the loud, pulsing beat of the song and the shouts of guys cheering at a stripper in only a thong and small top. Sexist averted his eyes and glanced awkwardly at the Soul-Keeper, who seemed to be thoroughly enjoying the situation.
“PIMPETTE NUMBER FIVE!?” a white guy with a nice shirt, popped collar, and a fedora came walking over, pimpstick in hand. The Overlord immediately looked away, blushing and trying to ignore the pimp.
The Theurgist narrowed his eyes at the guy, wondering if he ought to ask the Evocator to invoke the Umbra spirit on this guy’s ass. Sexist and the Insurgent Leader gaped as the pimp tapped the Overlord on the shoulder, much to her displeasure. As she turned to look up at the man, she blushed a deep shade of crimson, “Er... Hi?”
“Pimpmaster!?” Jamie yelled, incredulous.
“I haven’t seen you in awhile, ho! Where you been?” the Pimpmaster held up his pimpstick. The Overlord immediately cringed.
“Jamie, what have I told you about associating ourselves with people from the past?” the Overlord muttered and promptly warped the group away from the strip club. They appeared in the Insurgents’ camp, carts of Monsters included. The Overlord was still blushing as she began issuing orders, “Line up... Get your drink and start chugging. We’ll have the Uberlord at our mercy by sundown!”
“Er... The Soul-Keeper’s missing,” the Advisor pointed out, tentatively looking about the group. Immediately, all eyes turned to the Apprentice, who shrugged elaborately. The Overlord sighed, rubbed her chin, pondered for a grand total of two seconds if he was worth going back for.
“He’ll come back eventually. He always does... Probably found himself a hooker he fancied,” the Theurgist remarked with a chuckle.
“Ew...” Sexist made a face.
“Thomas is a ho,” the Overlord said flatly, then took an orange Monster, popped the top off of it, and lifted the can into the air, “To whores, whoever the hell made these things, and, most importantly... All hail the Overlord!”
Everyone but the Insurgents took a drink. The Insurgent Leader narrowed his eyes at the Overlord, a scowl on his face. As he opened his first Monster, he muttered, “Not a ho...”
No comments:
Post a Comment