The Overlord Saga
Vol I. Past, Present, Future
Chapter 4: The First Play
Atop the main gate, the Overlord looked down at the gathered army of Insurgents, laughing to herself at how small it was. She leaned on the railing, scythe in one hand as she did so. The Advisor stood behind her, arms folded and looking a bit nervous. The Overlord had yet to tell her higher-ranked underlings of her visit with Gabriel, and was attempting to ignore the impending danger of being replaced by some tooth-thieving sprite.
“Did the burritos work?” the Advisor asked quietly.
“Who knows?” the Overlord replied, “We still outnumber them. They’re going on a suicide mission.”
“Let’s hope it worked...” the Advisor muttered. The Overlord nodded and looked out at where the tazer guards were in position behind the gates, tazers on the highest voltage setting. The Ninja-Lord stood a ways off, concealed by a large gargoyle statue. The Soul-Keeper had Sexist by the arm and was standing behind the main gates, where she had instructed for him to stand.
“False One!” a familiar voice rang out, “You haven’t changed at all, I see!” the Overlord looked at the Insurgent Leader, snorting with laughter as she called back in a playful voice.
“Insurgent Leader! You haven’t grown an inch, I see!”
The Insurgent Leader hung his head, but drew his longsword in response to her words, “I’ll tear you down from where you stand, False One!”
“Did you get my present?” The Overlord asked.
“The burritos?”
“Yes.”
“Did you eat them?”
“Yes.”
“Then it is too late for you!” The Overlord announced, swishing her cape with a hand. The gates opened to reveal the Soul-Keeper standing with Sexist at his side. The Insurgent Leader took a step forward, gritting his teeth in anger, but the Overlord merely laughed, “Those burritos were from Taco Bell! I ordered them especially for you, my rival! I ordered the nastiest burritos to have ever walked the face of the planet!”
“Burritos walk?” the Soul-Keeper wondered aloud.
“You are a fool, False One!” the Insurgent Leader declared, “For you should already know that I am immune to bad Mexican food!”
“What is this?!” the Overlord asked incredulously, gripping the railing with both hands. “Impossible!”
“And now, I’ll give you my own little present! Bring out the stereos!” the Insurgent Leader yelled. A few Insurgents pulled out large, portable stereos and pushed the ‘play’ button simultaneously, as if they had rehearsed this many times.
A group of timpanis and a familiar drum beat could be heard. Slowly, the Insurgents turned the volume up louder so that the Overlord could hear the song. In horror, some underling screamed, “NO! HE’S RICK-ROLLED US!”
“Rick-rolled? Do we have something to counter that?” the Advisor gasped in horror as the song began playing.
“No... No...!” the Overlord yelled, “Curse you, Insurgent Leader! ALL TROOPS, ATTACK! FOR GOD’S SAKE, GET THEM TO STOP PLAYING THAT DAMN SONG!”
“It’s working! PLAY IT LOUDER!” the Insurgent Leader roared over the screams of underlings as they listened to the agonizing vocals of Never Gonna Give You Up. He threw his head back and began laughing maniacally as the Underlings shrieked in horror and in rage.
The Soul-Keeper threw Sexist to the ground and began charging at the Insurgents, raising his staff above his head. “FOR THE OVERLORD!” He screamed over Rick Astley’s irritating singing. The Insurgent Leader raised his sword and began charging at the Soul-Keeper. The Overlord motioned for the Ninja-Lord to strike and then grabbed her scythe in one hand. With her free hand, she held onto the rail and leapt over the wall, plummeting down at where the Insurgent Leader was running at the gates.
“It’s a trap!” Sexist yelled at the Insurgent Leader as he pushed himself to his feet, “No, Insurgent Leader, IT’S A TRAP!”
“Eat this up, Insurgent Leader!” the Overlord yelled, dropping from the sky. The Insurgent Leader looked up and clashed blades with his rival, pushing her back and giving her a bit of a room so he could recover from the attack. The Overlord swiped a second and third time with her scythe, but it was blocked by the Insurgent Leader’s longsword. “You’ll submit to me!” the Overlord continued, “You’re MINE!”
Somewhere in the melee, a someone yelled, “That’s what she said!”
“My soul will never be yours!” the Insurgent Leader declared. He twirled the longsword with expertise and then lunged at the Overlord. She met him in midair and the two hit the ground, the Insurgent Leader pushing the Overlord back.
“You’re pretty strong... For a midget!”
“You’re pretty quick... for a False One!”
After another “that’s what she said” had been yelled, the Overlord grabbed the Insurgent Leader by the collar and tossed him into the air. As he came down, she aimed a blow for his neck, but he blocked with his sword, performing a backflip and landing a few feet away. The Overlord lifted her hand and a ring of fire surrounded the two combatants, the smoke rising high into the air and blocking everything else out. The Insurgent Leader turned to face her, running his hand on the blade of his sword (oh God, that sounds dirty) and saying, “You might have a bunch of nifty tricks, but you’re still no match for me, False One.”
“Insurgent Leader... How did it ever come to this?” the Overlord asked with a tsk. “Aren’t you tired of fighting? You can just give your soul to me right now and you can be done... Forever.”
“As tempting as that sounds, I respectfully decline,” the Insurgent Leader remarked.
“Oh... Well, at least you were respectful about it.” the Overlord shot a flare of swirling red flames at the Insurgent Leader, who responded by rolling out of the way. He charged up next to the Overlord and dealt a hefty blow to her side. She yelped, then hooked her scythe around his mid-section, pulling him toward her, then tackling him to the ground, shoving his face into the dirt. “What about now?”
“No!” the Insurgent Leader yelled, then elbowed the Overlord in the face.
The Overlord fell back but grabbed the Insurgent Leader’s shoe as he tried to stand up, causing him to fall over. She grabbed her scythe and swung down at him with all of her might. The Insurgent Leader grabbed the handle of the scythe, the blade resting a few inches from his chest. The Overlord pressed the blade closer and closer to his chest, seeing victory just moments away. The Insurgent Leader wrestled the scythe from her grasp suddenly, then chunked it out of the circle of fire. The Overlord gasped as the Insurgent Leader moved to grab his sword and lashed out with a foot, stomping on his wrist. She kicked the sword out of the fighting ring, then laughed, “Just you and me, now, Insurgent Leader... Hope you have a plan to get out of this!”
“I always have a plan,” the Insurgent Leader responded boldly.
“Do you now?” the Overlord asked. The Insurgent Leader laughed and shot an orb of magic at the Overlord. She jumped out of the way, and curled her hands into fists.
“I do,” the Insurgent Leader stood up, rubbing his wrist. “I have a plan to kill you once and for all.”
“Ha!” the Overlord laughed, “Do you know who I am? I am the Overlord! I cannot die!”
“We’ll see about that!” the Insurgent Leader yelled. The Overlord shot a flare of fire at him, but watched in dismay as he countered it with a flare of his own magic. She ran at him and threw a punch at his face. He fell onto his back, the Overlord landing on top of him and dealing him another blow. The Insurgent Leader automatically lashed out with a foot to her stomach and she stumbled back a half foot. As he got up, she sprang to her feet, one hand clutching her stomach.
As the Insurgent Leader charged at her, the Overlord stood, as if waiting to get hit. At the last second, she spun around and gave the Insurgent Leader a kick to his own stomach, sending him flying beyond the flames. The Overlord dismissed the ring of fire, watching as the smoke began to clear. She walked toward where the Insurgent Leader lay on his back, winded and looking at the orange-colored sky.
“This is why you lose,” the Overlord said, walking over. Her hand brushed where she realized that her side was bleeding, but dismissed it. “You were never any match for me... Pft... Should go back to the north pole and go back to making toys, elf-boy. That’s all you were ever good for.”
“I’m not an elf!” the Insurgent Leader roared in anger, grabbing his sword from where it lay a few inches away. He swung at the Overlord, who stepped back casually. The Insurgent Leader leapt to his feet, still enraged, “Quit with the height jokes, False One!”
“Why? It’s so fun to see you get this mad...” the Overlord remarked in amusement.
“You won’t be laughing in the end!” the Insurgent Leader roared, “You false Overlord... Meet your doom now!” He lifted a hand and began gathering an orb of magic in his hand. The Overlord drew back, having collected her scythe from where it stuck out of the ground. She crouched down, holding the scythe behind her.
“I’ll take anything you have to throw at me, Insurgent Leader! Just know... that I will always win!” the Overlord screamed, her eyes locked on her sworn enemy as he shot the large radiating sphere at her.
The Insurgent Leader howled back his response with his blade held above his head. “Then try to dodge this!”
---
The Ninja-Lord held her katana at the ready as an Insurgent came running at her. She sprang into the air and tossed a ninja star, one of the blades pinning the Insurgent’s sleeve to the ground. She held the blade over the Insurgent, prepared to impale him through the middle when the Soul-Keeper ran up to the Insurgent and rested his hand on his stomach. There was a flash of light and the Soul-Keeper screamed, “Baby Timmy!”
In confusion, the Ninja-Lord looked at the Soul-Keeper, quirking a brow and then asking in a low voice, “What did you just do to my victim?”
“Oh, no, he’s MY victim,” the Soul-Keeper pointed at the man’s enlarged stomach. In horror, the Insurgent looked down and screamed in horror, scrambling to his feet, then running away from the fight.
“What did you just do to him?” the Ninja-Lord asked.
“Wanna find out?” the Soul-Keeper asked with a devious rub of his hands.
The Ninja-Lord threw a smoke grenade and promptly vanished. She appeared near the main gates, where Underling Sexist was attempting to steal a sword from a dead body. Behind him, Underling Tinkerbell was standing, impatiently shifting his weight. The Ninja-Lord paused to listen into their conversation, realizing that both were oblivious to her arrival.
“Hurry! I don’t like being here,” Tinkerbell hissed, “That Overlord chick’s a creep!”
“We’re screwed if we don’t get the Soul Jar,” Sexist snapped back, “She’ll still have hold over us!”
“How are we able to function anyways? If we don’t have a soul, that is...” Tinkerbell remarked, touching his chest with a hand, then looking down at his hand.
“I have no clue,” Sexist replied, pulling out the sword. As he did so, the Master of Tazers spontaneously ran by, stopped, then turned to look at the confused underling. With grand bravado, she pulled out her tazer and shocked him. Sexist fell to the ground, writhing in pain as the Master of Tazers kicked the sword away.
“You have been tazed! Now act accordingly!” the Master of Tazers declared before running off madly to go taze the Insurgents.
“Ha! What a loser...” Tinkerbell turned in time to see the Ninja-Lord looming right behind him, his eyes stretching wide in horror. The Ninja-Lord swiftly punched Tinkerbell in the head, glaring down at Sexist and remarking darkly,
“Pft. Non-ninjas. Stealing all of my fun...”
The Ninja-Lord kicked the sword away from Sexist’s hand, then added, “If she hadn’t tazed you, you’d have wished she had by the time I was through with you.” She picked up the sword he had been trying to steal and looked at it calmly before snapping it with her bare hands.
Feebly, Tinkerbell commented, “That’s what she said.”
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