The Overlord Saga
Vol III. The Armageddon Prophecy
Chapter 9: Rodeo
The Insurgent Leader strode ahead a few steps, his hand clutching the hilt of his longsword. A glance back and he gestured for the others to follow, silently handing a vial to Foreigner. She stared at the vial, then muttered something to the Insurgent Leader, which could be picked up in traces. In all reality, it sounded a bit like, “Nxuk te A te nakx kxaj?” but McCoy, who was also by the Insurgent Leader, figured that he had dozed off a bit during the conversation. After all, no one really spoke in a language so bizarre and consonant-filled. It was inconceivable. The Insurgent Leader quietly made a drinking motion to Foreigner, then added, “It’s to replenish your mana.”
“Mana,” Ginger shook her head, bangs sweeping into her eyes.
“Should’ve had a V8,” Owl remarked with an almost childish grin.
“Kxudb eei,” Foreigner dipped her head out of respect to her leader, then took a drink, downing the entire liquid. The Insurgent Leader quietly began distributing the drinks, though was careful to avoid giving one to Tinkerbell, merely stating that he “didn’t need his pervy-est soldier high off of caffeine”.
“Okay... So... Not like I’m racist or anything. ..” Owl began, but Ginger merely snorted in retort to this. Owl merely continued, shooting her fellow underling a glare, “But that was definitely not English.”
“I thought it was just me...” McCoy fell back, sneaking alongside the two Underlings, “But I guess she really ISN’T speaking English. That’s just strange, though...” He cast a glance at the Insurgent Leader and Foreigner, brow furrowed, “He speaks English to her and she understands...” He looked at the other two, confusion flooding his dark eyes, “... And she speaks... Whatever that is. It sort of sounds like Yiddish to me, but... he... understands it?”
“Well, there’s always the possibility that the Insurgent Leader has the capability to speak Yiddish,” Fish suggested helpfully.
“The Insurgent Leader doesn’t seem like the bilingual type,” Owl admitted.
“Perhaps not,” McCoy frowned.
“We’re nearing the battle. I can hear it,” the Insurgent Leader stopped and turned to face his men (and women- we have to state this in order to be politically correct). “Now... I’m not good at inspiring speeches. And frankly, I don’t... really know... why we’re aiding these two, because they’re technically not MY allies... But, we’re going to do this. And we’re going to do this using our best strategy-”
“Retreat?” Owl suggested, a peek at the raging battlefield causing her to frown.
“No, no, that’s the French,” Fish shook his head.
“We will use tactics involving guerilla warfare. Okay... I want you all to listen very carefully to our game plan...” the Insurgent Leader began. From Owl’s perspective, the plan sounded something similar to this: “We’re going to send our blahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblah until the blahblahblahblahblahblahblahblah. When they blahblahblahblahblah, then decide to blahblahblahblah as any strategically-savvy army WOULD do. We shall blahblahblahblahblahblah...”
On the other hand, the Insurgent Leader’s gameplan sounded much like this to Tinkerbell: “We’re going to send in our heavy hitters (insert “That’s what she said” here) into the fray first to make a big impact (insert “That’s what she said” here), while our weaker ones wait for the right moment to insert themselves in the battle (insert “That’s what she said” here). With any luck, we can flip them over and have our way with them (insert “That’s what she said” here) as they would do to our friends (insert “That’s what she said” here). They will eventually become flaccid (insert “That’s what she said” here) in their movements, then decide to pull out entirely (insert “That’s what she said” here) as any strategically-savvy army WOULD do. We shall be firm and forceful (insert “That’s what she said” here) in our goal to satisfy the Overlord’s desires (insert “That’s what she said” here).”
On the contrary, everything sounded something like THIS to Ginger, who was prone to being distracted, “We’re going to send in our (Ginger side note: “I wonder how we’re going to fight an entire army with just a handful of soldiers, because, I mean... really? Really? Why are we even trying? I guess the soldiers on the other side are wounded and all and we have super awesome fighters on our side, but this seems like a really bad idea... Oh, crap, I should probably be paying attention)..... insert themselves in the battle (Ginger side note: I feel like this entire speech could be very suggestive).... Flip them over and have our way (Ginger side note: Yep. Oh well. Hey... I wonder if South Park will be on when I’m home. Actually... Screw South Park. I kind of want to watch Bleach...)... will eventually become flaccid (Ginger side note: I wonder how they got through two whole volumes without another ginger coming in. I mean, come on, this series is about a person who takes souls. I mean, you’d think that there’d be more ginger jokes than just the ones in this volume. Too many pop culture references, I guess...)... to satisfy the Overlord’s desires (Ginger side note: HOLY CRAP, IS MY CHARACTER A GIANT POP CULTURE REFERENCE!?).”
In conclusion, it should probably be noted that only one Insurgent listened intently to the Insurgent Leader’s plan, and that was Foreigner, who beamed and glowed in pride, her eyes alight with undying loyalty. The Insurgent Leader lifted his sword gallantly, a dramatic wind picking up as he yelled his war cry, surging head-first into the onslaught just a veil of bushes away. By this point, the Overlord (who had not bothered with a speech other than “don’t die”) had entered the fray, scythe stained a gruesome crimson.
“Have you found Jamie or the Twin?” the Insurgent Leader shouted over the melee, to which his sister merely shook her head. He turned, catching one of the bandits on his oversized blade, then glanced down the hill, at where a partially broken ship could be seen beached, with smoke pillaring from its hull. The Overlord wordlessly bounded down the grassy slope, scythe altering into its compact rod form. The Insurgent Leader waved his hand, clearing a small path for the Overlord as she rushed the burning boat.
The Twin could be seen, her back pressed against the boat, a bow in hand. A few golden-tipped shafts zipped out across the battlefield, zoning in on a pair of incoming bandits. She turned and slammed the end of her bow into another enemy unit, then kicked him away, almost collapsing to the ground from exhaustion. The Overlord dashed in suddenly, sinking Kagi’s blade up until the hilt into the back of a man with a bandana over his face. He sank to the ground and she swiftly pulled the reddened sword from his body. Glancing up at the Twin, the Overlord mustered a smirk, then offered a hand to help her friend up.
“Took your time!” the Twin panted, but took the Overlord’s hand regardless. Her eyes scanned the battlefield, but she stepped forward suddenly, the burning pirate ship behind her swaying and rocking suddenly. The Overlord seized the Twin by the arm, then promptly swing her away as the boat began to tilt, its burning mass threatening to crash atop the two ladies. The Overlord leapt after the Twin, her eyes wide in shock as the Saucy Whore, Jamie’s infamous ship, slammed to the ground, splintering into pieces.
“I don’t think we’ll be using that boat again,” the Twin frowned, her eyes sweeping across the rubble sadly. She looked at the Overlord, then asked, “Where’s Jamie?”
“I could very well ask you the same question,” the Overlord casually held out a hand as a bandit tried to attack them, grabbing his wrists and pulling him arm back as the Twin reached out with a dagger and stabbed him. The Overlord quietly let the man drop to the ground. “I thought she was with you?”
“No. She and the Witch ran for help. Or so I was told...” the Twin glanced over as the Horselord (formerly referred to as Little Ifill in Volume I and the Centurion in Volume II) rode over to the two, her halberd painted the same gruesome color as the snowy ground.
“Hey, um... I know this is probably a bad time and all... But the enemy leader is here. And he has Jamie,” the Horselord began uncertainly, “Oh, hi Overlord!” She waved happily, “I thought I saw the Soul-Keeper over there. When did you guys get here?”
“Just now,” the Overlord frowned, then glanced at the Twin, “Jamie got herself caught by a man...”
“Again,” the Twin fought back a wry smirk.
“I told her. Hanging out at pirate pubs is a great way to get yourself a few stalkers. Ninjas don’t have as many stalkers,” the Overlord pointed out, “But that’s probably because we’re masters at hiding...”
“But you’re wearing red...” the Twin pointed at the Overlord’s elaborate red, golden, and black outfit.
“I....... Like red,” the Overlord said defensively.
“Well, it doesn’t matter what we like or not. We gotta focus on getting Jamie back,” the Twin hobbled a few steps forward, looking down at her foot, “Oww...” The Overlord offered to help her, and the two began across the battlefield.
A glance around confirmed several things- the first being that the bandits were not as well trained as the Fort Effort soldiers, the pirates, the Underlings, or the Insurgents. Across the field, the Overlord caught a glimpse of Sexist defending a fallen pirate from one of the bandits, deftly swinging his broadsword around and beheading his opponent. The Overlord felt her stomach churn and she looked down, blinking a few times before looking up to see Kobaj and McCoy tag-teaming a group of bandits. Kobaj had fired two violet colored spheres from his gun, causing the bandits to fall to the ground. McCoy leapt over them, firing his machine gun into the trapped enemies, a hand clutching onto his hat. Mooka had changed forms and was raised on his back legs, snarling ferociously at a group of hounds that apparently were fighting alongside the bandits. Ginger was shooting people with a blow gun, darting them as Owl protected her from a surge of enemies coming from behind. The Overlord watched in amazement as Owl summoned a barrage of weapons from thin air- a canoe oar that was sent into someone’s face, a vacuum that sucked onto someone’s leg, a power cord that tied a few opponents together, a Christmas tree that landed on someone, and a little kid floatie toy that wrapped around someone’s neck trying to suffocate them.
“Where did the Horselord say that the enemy leader was?” the Overlord asked, glancing at the Twin.
“She didn’t...” the Twin frowned, then gently pushed the Overlord away, “I can stand on my own. Go. You should probably go find her before something bad happens.”
“Can I count on you to back me up if need be?” the Overlord asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Of course!” the Twin smiled at the Overlord, patting her on the head.
“Lieutenant, call for a cease fire until their boss decides to show their face!” the Overlord roared over the melee, glancing at the much more intimidating Lieutenant. He obliged greatly, having taken the Captain’s vuvuzela while the Captain was away. One call from the vuvuzela and the battlefield had gone silent, all eyes on the Lieutenant- though some were glaring out of pure rage.
“Lieutenant, I guess this is something that we’re not going to mention to the Captain, right?” Karrot asked, adjusting the goggles on her head.
“Darn right,” the Lieutenant retorted, putting the vuvuzela on his belt.
“I wish to speak with the one who ordered the attack on the Saucy Whore!” the Overlord snarled, the smell of fire still fresh in her nose. Moments later, a very tall, slender man pushed his way through, a cowboy hat atop his head and boots almost up to his knees thudding through the melting snow. He removed his hat, placing it over his heart, then smiled at her, his expression full of sweetness and innocence.
“That would be me, Missy,” he replied, and immediately the Overlord dubbed him as ‘Cowboy’.
“I’d ask why you did this...” the Overlord began, then added venomously, “But I really don’t care.” She pulled out the rod and began to unfurl it, her eyes locked onto Cowboy as though she were a wolf and he were some innocent doe. “So we’re going to settle this how we did back in Tamashii... Leader versus leader.”
“You’re the Overlord, aren’t you?” Cowboy mused. “I’ve heard things about you. I hear you can shoot a gun pretty good. That so happens to be my specialty, you know... Being a sharpshooter and all. What do you say we have a bit of a... Gun slinging show for this fine audience here?”
“Are you kidding me?” the Overlord asked.
“Are you chicken?” Cowboy quirked an eyebrow.
A glance at Sexist, who was watching her expectantly, and the Overlord replaced the rod on her belt, “I didn’t bring my guns with me. I hardly ever do,” the Overlord shrugged, “Looks like you’re out of luck.”
“You can borrow mine...” the Insurgent Leader suggested quietly, holding out two small handguns, “They’re a little heavier than yours. They hold more rounds, though. Pack a bigger punch.” The Overlord glanced at her younger brother, then nodded her head, taking both guns. She unstrapped Kagi from her belt and handed the Insurgent Leader her scythe, rolling her head and feeling her neck crack and pop.
“Alright. Let’s do this...” the Overlord muttered, glancing over at the Apprentice, “Play me something... Conveniently ironic,” the Overlord smirked at the Apprentice, who began playing Shots by Lil Jon and LMFAO. The Overlord faced Cowboy, holding up the two guns in a battle stance
“Everyone circle around. And careful not to get hit,” Cowboy grinned from ear-to-ear, then instructed the Overlord, “We’ll turn our backs to each other as a sign of good faith, now, d’ya hear? And then we’ll each take ten steps forward, counting aloud in unison... At ten, we turn. We’ll start our duel then.”
One bullet to the face and he’d be gone. You really wanna play his game?
We don’t have any choice... He’s got snipers in the trees. And Jamie’s somewhere around here...
“If I win... Jamie comes with us,” Cowboy added, “And if not... She goes with you.”
“Fair enough,” the Overlord shrugged, and both combatants turned away from each other. The first step was taken, followed by the echo of both fighters shouting. The second step came next, tedious and slow. The third followed... And then the fourth... The Overlord felt a sudden rush within her, and she gripped the handle of the gun tighter, her knuckles turning a pasty white. The fifth step sent out of a resonating shudder within her, her eyes alight with excitement. Can I please be in charge of this one? You always get to have all the fun, the Theurgist muttered grumpily. My body. My rules, came the snarky reply, which was then followed with a: If we hadn’t merged, you’d have died.
By now, they were on the eighth step.
Can I backseat drive? At least? After all, I wouldn’t want you to damage my looks.
We’ll split this... 50-50. How about that?
Sounds like a deal, chinchilla-man.
“TEN!” the final step had been taken, and the Overlord leapt into the air, turning as she did so with both guns blazing out bullets at Cowboy. His initial attack missed, sending off a spray of rounds that hit trees behind his foe. She landed on the ground a ways back, turning and ducking behind a nearby tree trunk.
“This body is... A lot more swift than my old one,” the Overlord felt the Theurgist’s words speak through her. She moved her bangs back for a moment, a gleam in her blue right eye as she smiled, rubbing her chin, then adding, “Darn... I keep forgetting you’re a woman. You can’t have a nice goatee to stroke.” The Overlord fought to say something back but merely managed to say, “Quit dawdling.”
Cowboy whistled, calling out, “I didn’t know that Overlords hid from trouble. I thought they stood their ground? What happened to the person in the stories? The one that felled the Uberlord with the flick of her wrist? Who ripped the Nemesis to shreds? Who outfoxed the Grim Reaper?” He fired a shot that tore through a nearby piece of the trunk. The Overlord crouched, inhaling deeply and closing her eyes. “You’d be a coward in front of your enemy?” The insult caused her eyes to snap open, though they narrowed in anger. “You would be a coward in front of your troops!?”
He’s baiting you. He has our location pinpointed. Relax and let me handle this, the Theurgist muttered to her, and she allowed herself to suddenly leap up, putting one gun in her belt, then latching onto a nearby branch. Pulling herself up, she positioned herself in the tree, trying to make as little noise as possible. Aiming both guns at Cowboy, who paced below on the battlefield, she felt her trigger figure jerk suddenly, and a few shots were fired, one sinking into the enemy’s shoulder. However, completely undaunted, he swung around, guns ablaze with sparks. The Overlord leapt from the tree, attempting to land in the next one, but a stray bullet bit into her leg, knocking her off balance. One of the Insurgent Leader’s guns fell from her hand and she grabbed pathetically onto the branch, a flare of anger surging through her. As she pulled herself into cover, she panted, a glance down at her bloodied leg revealing the worse- the bullet was still lodged within. She exhaled, leaning her head against the trunk and clutching the small cascade of blood with a hand.
So what now? the Overlord asked, frowning. He’s obviously more skilled at gunslinging than we are. Agreeing to this was a mistake. She felt the Theurgist agree with her, but suddenly she was jerked into action, zipping from one branch to another and firing at Cowboy with incredible speed. She felt her leg weaken under her battle stance, but she merely bit onto her lip, then lunged from the tree, firing down at her opponent. Feeling a bullet or two hit into her shoulder and hip, she fought back the urge to yell, and landed on the ground, weakened, but alive.
Cowboy stood there, little trails of red traced upon his skin and clothes. He pulled the trigger still, though, his eyes the epitome of rage. The Overlord barely was able to dodge, her cape trailing behind her. Running forward, she jumped up, wrapping an arm around Cowboy’s neck in an attempt to choke him. The cold metal of the gun’s mouth rested on her leg, just a few seconds before she felt another bullet strike. Blood sprayed the ground, and she fell back, her back thudding against the ground. I’ve always hated guns... she thought as Cowboy turned, looming over her as some dark figure. ... But I’m not done here yet... the Overlord flashed a knowing smirk, staring down the barrel of his handgun. A deft kick with her uninjured leg sent his gun flying behind. She saw him lurch forward to follow it and merely swung her leg around again, sending him into the permafrost.
“Well, we’re both unarmed...” the Overlord remarked, standing up stiffly, “And, frankly, I don’t see either of us getting anywhere any time soon...” She caught Sexist’s pale glare, yet didn’t return it. Merely, she looked down at the blood licking the side of her arm, allowing a few droplets to collide into the ground. Cowboy stood up slowly, not facing her. She caught his odd movements from the corner of her eye and as she turned, she saw the flash of a hidden small gun in his hand, pointed directly at her. As the shot fired, the sound of twelve more rounds being fired resounded in the Alaskan air.
The Overlord fell to the ground, but out of her own will, the bullet zipping overhead. Cowboy fell, his eyes a picture of agony as they stared at the sky, tears of pain welling up. The Captain stood between Karrot and the Lieutenant, his assault rifle still in hand. “God, that guy hasn’t even been in one chapter yet, and I hate him!”
“I-interference...!” Cowboy rasped, pointing a crimson-painted hand to the Captain, “Cheat... No... Fair...”
“Well, bro, that’s life,” the Captain remarked, then helped the Overlord to her feet. Glancing over at the Lieutenant, he said, “Someone should probably go find Jamie. And, well, you know... Take care of the rest of these guys.” He began to help the Overlord walk over to the Insurgent Leader to collect her weapons back, but her knees buckled. Wordlessly, the Captain began to scoop her up, though the Overlord opened her mouth to protest. Her bangs fell back suddenly, her right eye momentarily revealed. Oh crap! she thought, a list of swear words flashing across her mind. Grasping the right side of her face, she looked at the Captain, as if praying and pleading for him not to notice, or say anything. Merely, the Captain narrowed his eyes, then nodded slowly.
Did he see it?
I don’t know... Maybe.
Will he tell anyone?
I don’t know...
She felt the waves of unconsciousness seeping in, but lifted her head in time to see the wavering form of a man standing near Owl and Ginger, his golden eyes locked onto her. You can’t go to sleep now... a voice in her mind rang. They’ll see the marks. They’ll see it all... They’ll know your secrets. All of them. She fought back the waves of exhaustion, forcing her eyes to stay open. A few blinks later and the man was gone, not even a trail of footprints ever proving he had existed.
“I-I’ll be fine...” she insisted feebly, even as the Evocator began fussing over her bullet wounds. “This is nothing.”
“Uh, okay, you just got shot,” the Swordmaster retorted, “You ain’t Cloud Strife. You can’t get hit twenty times by a gun and live. That ain’t right.”
“No... See to the Twin,” the Overlord sat up, “Wrap the wounds, then see to the Twin. Make sure Jamie is okay, also... Someone did go to get her, yes?”
“The Lieutenant is taking care of it,” Karrot informed her, then saluted dutifully.
“Good...” the Overlord nodded, not daring to glance over to the Captain to see if he was staring at her. She felt a pair of eyes on her, however, and found herself looking over at Sexist, who was helping the Sorceress tend to the Twin. “Where’d Cowboy go?” She asked, though her words were a soft murmur.
“Slipped away,” the Soul-Keeper informed her, “Sneaky little kumquat, that guy.”
“Kumquat... is a fruit, you do realize that, right?” the Animal Tamer asked the Soul-Keeper.
“Actually, it’s a Turkish insult,” the Soul-Keeper said in a very matter-of-fact tone of voice.
“I... Oh. Okay,” the Animal Tamer nodded.
“What’s the next step?” the Insurgent Leader asked, having replaced his guns in his belt, “I have the Witch here.” He gestured to the Witch, who knelt next to the Overlord, wisps of green magic dancing about her fingertips. As her hand pressed against her shoulder, the Overlord felt something akin to cool water spilling into her body, causing her to shudder and lean in closer to the Evocator and the Witch. As it wrapped its scarcely visible self around the wound, it began to warm up.
“Oh, so it’s like a magical IcyHot,” the Corporal observed, leaning against his shotgun. “Oh, well, anyways, I might as well do something useful. Like give you the battle results or something.” He cleared his throat, pulled out a notepad, then began reading off, “Brainsucker has sustained a few injuries, mostly due to his own grenades. Jamie has been recovered by the Lieutenant and is being treated immediately. She is unconscious but alive. The Sorceress hurt the Swordmaster’s feelings, but I think he’ll be okay...”
“You’re... Doing pretty good. The Advisor better watch out or you might end up taking her job,” the Overlord remarked weakly, propping herself up.
“Overlord, do you want to hold onto Woofie for awhile until you feel better?” the Animal Tamer offered the bush baby to the Overlord, but she merely shook her head, trying not to laugh. The Animal Tamer shrugged, then kept a hold of the small marsupial, the large-eyed creature merely staring soullessly at the Corporal.
“Right, well...First things first. Let’s get everyone back to the Fortress, healed up, and we can start filling in the other three,” the Overlord stood up, her legs wobbly. She leaned against her scythe, then added, “And I want a milkshake.”
“Does it bring all the boys to the yard?” Owl asked, raising an eyebrow.
“My yard has a wall. A tall wall. To keep all the boys outta my yard,” the Overlord retorted, “Well... Boys like Jester. Or Pharisee. Or Se-I mean... Nevermind,” the Overlord smirked, then waved a portal open. “Let’s end this chapter, okay? It’s been a tad too harsh to me.”
“Well, the author did decide to shoot you,” the Soul-Keeper frowned, “Like... Four times. I guess that sort of sucks... But guess what? I have a new battle scar, too!” He pulled up his sleeve to reveal a small, almost inch long cut over his less-than-impressive bicep.
“Oh, Soul-Keeper... I’m so proud of you. Brings a tear to my eye,” the Overlord sighed, but smiled anyways. The Witch and the Captain helped the Overlord into the portal, and the rest of the Allied Forces trailed after, leaving behind the carnage of the Saucy Whore behind them. Ashes spilled into the air, floating and drifting on faint breezes, the aroma of fire and death haunting the Alaskan woods for many hours after.
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